It was Friday, May 6, 2016. Yup, just two days ago. I just picked up my little girl from preschool and came home real quick before I had to run out again to do some Mother's Day shopping. I'm never sure when emotions are going come for a visit. They show up unexpectedly and unannounced. However, I have caught on to a slight pattern and noticed they usually catch me when I'm a bit overwhelmed and thoughts are running wild and I can't seem to catch a breath. But here they were knocking on my throat. I tried clearing my throat but they kept knocking and decided to come by and say a quick hello.
My daughter was laying on my bed as I was finishing up getting ready and I just broke, yup tears came streaming down. Mylee came over to check on me and gave me a hug and then walked off to let me have some time. About 10min went by and I got up and looked at myself in the mirror and did a little self talk. I learned this a while back that in order to keep moving forward in this beautiful life I've been given I have to take a moment and encourage myself. I mean let's face it when emotions hit us who's around? Usually no one right. All you have is you to face and in that moment we must realize there is a big world out there that needs us. Someone, somewhere needs to hear your story and needs to be encouraged but that can't happen until you encourage yourself. So that's what I do. It is more than just encouragement though. Along with my self talk I have a conversation with God too. Because (part two) in this realization of this "let's face" moment I can encourage myself all day long but I've realized too there are just some days where I don't even have the strength to do that. So that is when God steps in. He has a way about doing the unimaginable in any situation. He has a way of reminding us that He is God and that He is in control. I trust Him because He has taken me from a place of feeling all alone not knowing how in the world I could move forward in anything to showing me how in every moment He is there. He carves out every little detail and whenever we decide to realize where he's been He will show us. So I do, I trust Him with my life and on this specific day I was trusting Him when nothing made sense.
My first errand was stopping at Hobby Lobby. I ran in thinking "I'll be in and out" haha Yeah right! It's Hobby Lobby I have to walk around and see what is 50% off. So I did. I found what I needed and then I found a little something extra. I found something for ME. A little black/white/gold crown picture that was 50% off. Crowns are something special to me so I grabbed it and proceeded to the checkout line. I was standing in a line that was taking a bit long so I moved over and stood in another check out line. I was unaware of really anything as I was already thinking about where I was going to put this cute crown in my house. I love seeing my little Annabelle in ways no one else can see and try to imagine what she would look like today or how we would look as a family of 3 girls. But these specials finds of little crowns help remind me that she goes everywhere with us. I see her just in a different way.
So here I am, working through all my thoughts as a very subtle moment happened. I see this sweet lady bend down to give my little girl a pretty pink box with a pretty gold ribbon around it. She said "give this to your mommy." So Mylee turned and said "here mommy." I was kind of taken back and didn't know if this pretty pink box was for my daughter or for me. I said "is this for me? It is so pretty." She said "Happy Mother's Day, I had this in my purse and made it and saw your sweet girl standing there and knew I had to give this to you." I was so grateful that I said "I have to give you a hug, thank you, this truly blessed me today." We said our goodbyes, I checked out, got in my car and sobbed again.
In the midst of one day. One moment. Someone came along and so tenderly said "Happy Mothers Day" without knowing one thing about me and she lit up my day. It is within these moments I quickly realize how God, well, He knows. This sweet lady had no clue what my day was like but God did and somehow our paths crossed to remind me that He knows, He is present and He cares.
Mom's on this Mother's Day there may be a void in your heart. I know I have one. I have a place in my heart that will never close. A place in my heart that remains open. People tell me all the time how blessed I am to have two little girls and I must admit I am. But I must say a loss is a loss regardless. A loss can't be compared to anyone else's loss because no matter what there still is a place that lays deep within and the truth is no one will ever know how deep that hurt goes and that is okay.
I have had a song on repeat this past week and I'd like to share the lyrics with you. There is a part in the song that I cling to and it is
"Wounds that no one else has seen
Hurts too much to show"
In all of us are wounds, wounds that no one else has seen. Those wounds hurt. You move forward in life and begin to live again but I believe those wounds are there to help us never forget how far we've come. Some of you may be in the midst of a very fresh wound and some of you may be years into it but it feels as though your wound is still raw and exposed. I want you to know. He knows. Along the way He wants to show you He cares for you. Beauty surrounds us, miracles surround us. I'm so glad I decided to go to Hobby Lobby on Friday and unexpectedly change checkout lanes to meet a very sweet lady named Kelli. God's Beauty and Miracles surround us everyday. God has a way of showing us. Usually it's when we are not even searching or even aware until it catches our eye quick enough to realize He is there.
This little pretty pink box with some yummy chocolate holds a very precious meaning to me on this Mother's Day. I will never forget this moment and I share it with you to know God hasn't forgotten about you. He loves you and cares deeply for you. He knows.
Enjoy reading these Lyrics and if you want to enjoy listening to the full song click on the link below.
P.S.: Annabelle, mommy misses you and loves you. We are another day closer.
"He Knows" ~ Jeremy Camp
All the bitter weary ways
Endless striving day by day
You barely have the strength to pray
In the valley low
And how hard your fight has been
How deep the pain within
Wounds that no one else has seen
Hurts too much to show
All the doubt you're standing in between
And all the weight that brings you to your knees
[Chorus:]
He knows
He knows
Every hurt and every sting
He has walked the suffering
He knows
He knows
Let your burdens come undone
Lift your eyes up to the one
Who knows
He knows
He knows
We may faint and we may sink
Feel the pain and near the brink
But the dark begins to shrink
When you find the one who knows
The chains of doubt that held you in between
one by one are starting to break free
[Chorus]
Every time you feel forsaken
Every time that you feel alone
He is near to the brokenhearted
Every tear
He knows
He knows
[Chorus]
Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful moms
noticed and unnoticed
you are a mom
and you are loved.
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