Monday, February 23, 2015

Take A Deep Breath

“Take a deep Breath Gina, everything is going to be okay.” This is what I would tell myself over and over again but didn’t quit understand it. It was the year 2013 when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd baby girl “Annabelle.” Six months into my pregnancy Annabelle went to be with Jesus. She was a still birth and has left an imprint on our hearts forever. As her story continues to unfold, I have experienced some great pain, but through that pain I have also discovered some of the most beautiful moments that I never knew could be so beautiful. I have been going back and forth with where to begin with sharing her story and now that I’m finally sitting down to write I am finding out that this is not an easy step to take.

A year ago on February 15, 2014 I was sitting in a hospital room holding Annabelle memorizing every square inch of her and now, I’m sitting on my couch typing on a computer and dreaming about her life in Heaven. To be honest I didn’t know what to expect as I was approaching this one year mark. I didn’t think I was going to be ready for it at all but when I think about it, I was never ready for any of this. “Take a deep breath, everything is going to be okay” is what I would tell myself but I didn’t know how it was going to be okay. In one moment I stood breathless. I thought more about breathing than ever. I would take a deep breath in and for the first time ever I was thinking about how I didn’t want to let that breath out because I felt like every time I let a breath out that meant time was moving and I wanted time to stand still. It was as though I didn’t even know my right hand from my left or I didn’t know if I was turning a light on or off. They all seemed the same to me. Life was at a stand still and I didn’t want it to move. I wasn’t thinking in a normal state of mind but then I thought “what is normal again?” “Will there ever be a normal? I was afraid of time. It’s crazy to think it has already been a year. I remember every little detail like it was yesterday and I hope those memories never go away. A friend of ours said to my husband and I, “you will never go back to what used to be normal but you will learn how to embrace a new normal” and that is exactly what we have done. Our new normal has been embracing this new life for us.
Our perspective on life has changed and we’ve noticed what we do with our time is more precious than ever. We cherish every second but, we are not always good at it. Life seems to get in the way every now and than but when we as a family “on purpose” choose to make the best of our time, that’s when we can be present in the now, embrace the beauty that is right in front of us, and cherish the time we have. I didn’t even realize I embraced this concept until we celebrated Annabelle’s one year. Oh goodness, I can't wait to share this part of our story with you.

My hope is that through this blog there will be healing from any hurt or pain you have gone through, there will be strength to get up and say “today is worth living for”, there will be freedom in enjoying life to the absolute fullest, there will be a boldness in you that will rise up and say “it is time for the dreams that I have only dreamed about to now become a reality”, there will be restoration in relationships, you will discover the “Real You” and embrace your true inner beauty so that you know that you have a purpose that will not only change your life but the lives around you. Join me for my next blog as I continue to unravel Annabelle's story, but first I would love to introduce my family to you.


My husband Ryan who is the milk to my homemade cookies or the butter and syrup to my french toast. In other words he brings the perfect balance to my ongoing sweet ideas.

Cadence is the perfect rhythm to our family. She never skips a beat and is always ten steps ahead of Ryan and I. She is fearless, confident, determined, creative, a sponge who soaks up any bit of new information that she can get her hands on and her memorization skills are off the charts.

Mylee is our rare flower that keeps on blooming. She is full of surprises. You never know what your going to get with her. She can be silent for hours and than BAM there she is talking, singing, making up dance and gymnastics routines. She 100% girl. Loves everything to be clean, talks to herself in the mirror, can live in tutu's everyday, and you can most likely find her carrying around a baby, a cell phone, a purse, lip gloss, and sunglasses.

*Be present in the now, embrace the beauty that is right in front of you, and cherish the time you have.

2 comments:

  1. ...After reading this I was put to tears...tears of sadness but also of joy. As I too have experienced a loss of a baby. I read this thinking, her strength is just inspiring! As i listened to your heart especially when you would say “Take a deep Breath Gina, everything is going to be okay.” I found that i too, can identify with this. Sean and I, lost our son "Kai" a little over 3 years ago...I was 5 months pregnant. At the time of our loss, we thought why is no one talking about the high percentage of women who are losing precious babies..meanwhile crying out to God, asking why did this have to happen to me father? Every day, I would think about "Kai" and every day I would wake up in tears. This happened for almost an entire after his loss. I think I would lying if i said it doesn't still hurt. I still think about his little features..His little hands...His little feet...His daddy's nose. I truly feel this type of loss is like no other. In positive thought, I am finding a deeper strength now to come forward with my heart and feelings on this and This Blog has helped give me the strength. Hearing that you too have experienced this sadness and that you understand the pain it can cause. I stand with you, I celebrate Annabelle's Life with you, I will never forget Annabelle with you from a mom's heart to another mom's heart. I celebrate with you today, in the HUGE step of faith and growth. One day we will meet and rejoice with our baby girl and baby boy and I wouldn't be surprised if they are already holding hands and playing together in heaven. Xo Love you!

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    1. Florence wow thank you for taking time to share your story! Baby Kai is so blessed to have you as his mama. Weren't those little features the most amazing thing you ever witnessed in your life? To see creation at that stage is something most people don't get to see. Not a day goes by where I don't think of that precious moment. I love you girl and love your heart and passion. God has you wrapped in His arms, love you.

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